Day 2: Mega Fail

157 Dinner last night was popcorn, lots of carby goodness. Survived yesterday with no wheat and just dark chocolate for sugar. We'll see how today unfolds... So, inertia hit me this morning. That happens every once in awhile, inertia mixed with big sadness. This afternoon I decided to sort through the stuff that I had brought over to our house from dad's house. Took awhile, but I got a lot done. In-between working, I got hungry and thirsty. Bad hungry, and I decided to blow it and grab a coke and cheetos. And dinner tonight? Pizza and another coke. So, sugar grabbed me today and I allowed it. We'll see what tomorrow brings. Miss you, Russ!

Day 1

157.5 Starting the morning with a cup of tea with heavy cream and butter. My tastebuds want sugar. I am not going to give it to them. Well, I did give them a little bit of sugar. Dark chocolate. Not so bad, I don't think. Miss you, Russ.

Time for a Change

I've been eating all things bad since Russ died. Back eating wheat, even though I know how wrong it is for me. I've stuffed spoonfuls if ice cream in me, sucked down gallons of coke, and pretty much just have had a bad food field day for four months. It is time to stop. Tomorrow is (hopefully) the beginning of a 30 day no sugar challenge. I'm even going to try not adding sugar and Coffeemate to my morning tea. Wheat? Gotta stop that, too. It's too danged inflammatory. Wish me luck. Wish me strength. Miss you, Russ.

Photo of Bill, me, and dad at Russ' and my house on Memorial Day, 2016.

Still...

Still find myself wanting to talk to you. My days this week are busy and I am getting through pretty well. Night time comes and once my mind settles, I ache for the loss of you. Morning comes and the first thing I think of is you. My head still shakes at the weirdness of you not being here. How is it possible that you are no longer here with me? I miss you, Russell. I love you forever.

Three

Well, Mr. Russell Huff, it is three months today that you took your last Earthly scooter ride. How do I do this life without you? How am I still standing and getting through each day? When do I stop being flummoxed by the sudden loss of you? I have to think of you and believe that your faith in Christ allowed you to instantly enter into the Intermediate Heaven, where you are blessed beyond measure. You are in a good place. You are loved there. And you are loved here. I miss you so much, but am comforted by all the time and adventures we had together. You are my heart. You are my soul. Forever.

Bit of a Dream

So last night I dreamt that you had bought a HUGE bag of dog food for our Poco. Trouble was, I had already spent a good amount on a huge bag of Blue Buffalo. You told me that you wished I had told you I was buying that because it was pretty expensive. Yep, that is something you definitely would have said. I believe my reply was that I was going to buy it for Poco even if it was expensive. Nice to have you in my dream last night, Russell.

My Heart Without You

So, here's what it feels like: Imagine a 300 pound gorilla with nails as long as windshield wipers ripping open your chest and laying your heart bare. The gorilla hands grab the life out of it, and twist it every which way and more. Then it is pulled out of your chest, thrown against a glass wall, and splintered into a million sharp shards. The shards are picked up and squeezed together to form a semblance of your previously whole heart. Sharp edges remain, it stays twisted, and barely fits into the empty chest cavity. It beats raggedly but still provides a healing life force. It will never be the same, and that is as it should be, because your heart has lost its soulmate.

LYM

Sudden loss is terrible. I feel like you were stolen from me. Even though I knew each day on the scooter could be your last, I was still not prepared for it to actually happen. I didn't get to say good-bye and I love you. But, actually we said good-bye and I love you every night. Every single night. I knew how you felt about me, and I know you knew how I felt about you. I look around our home and see your touch everywhere. I was so blessed to have you in my life for so long. Thank-you, Russell. As you always said, LYM.

Poco

When you sent me the picture of Poco from the Start Over Rover website, of course I said yes! He looked so much like our Utah we had to have him. He has been such a funny dog, made us laugh and laugh and laugh. And now without you, he is good company for me. I was just laughing at him with the new tennis ball I got for him. Batting it around a bit, watching it roll, and then leaving it and attacking his plastic bone. And you know he never lasts long at playtime, so he is now sacked out, with his nose on the rooster I got for him for Christmas. You would be laughing with me at his antics. Three weeks today, Russ. I miss you so much.

Rollercoaster

So, seriously, I find myself wanting to talk to mom more than anyone about the loss of Russ. Mom has been gone for two years. One solace I have is that Russ stopped at Ft. McPherson to "visit" mom before starting out again on his scooter. I know that he enjoyed the visit, and enjoyed the solace that Ft. McPherson brings. And I am riding the rollercoaster of emotions. Up and down, round and round. Yes, I know I am not alone in losing a husband. And I also know that Russ now has perfect peace and rest, but that doesn't mean I miss him any less. He was a great guy and we had many adventures. I hope his adventures are continuing...

Nope, I Will Not Say Good-Bye

Russell Curtis Huff, 71, of Gothenburg, Nebraska, passed away on Thursday, February 18th as a result of a motor scooter accident near Brady, Nebraska. He was born on July 21, 1944 in La Junta, Colorado to Pauline Ellen and Russell Loyal Huff. Russ grew up in La Junta, then joined the Air Force upon his high school graduation. He served with honor for four years in the Air Force as an aircraft mechanic. Stationed in various places during the four years, his last post during service was Vietnam. When released from active duty, Russ moved to North Platte, Nebraska to be near family. He became a professional photographer, and moved to Gothenburg in 1973 after purchasing the old Krekeler Studio and opened Photography by Russ. He met his wife Brenda in Gothenburg when she returned after her service with the U.S. Army. They were married in Las Vegas, Nevada on January 6th, 1978. Russ and Brenda embarked on a life of adventure and travel, living in Arizona, Nevada, Nebraska, and Taiwan. In Taiwan, Russ completed an advanced Teachers of English degree and became an English instructor and mentor to many doctors and nurses. One proud accomplishment was winning a Distinctive Contribution award from the Executive Yuan for his role in transforming Tri-Service General Hospital into an excellent English environment. Following Russ’ return to Gothenburg in 2007, he enjoyed a variety of activities. Woodworking, building and flying remote-control airplanes, and motorcycle/scooter riding were three of his passions. Russ’ big heart led him to bring a most excellent black cocker spaniel named Poco into his and Brenda’s lives on April 12, 2013. He was baptized in fatih at the First Baptist Church in Gothenburg on July 12th, 1984. Surviving are spouse Brenda (Gothenburg/Grand Island, NE), siblings Paula (Tom) Richardson (Mesquite, NV), Jim Huff (Nashville, TN), Jay Huff (North Platte, NE), and Sam Kibler (North Platte, NE), father-in-law Norman Porter (Gothenburg, NE), brothers-in-law Brad (Mary) Porter (Fremont, NE), Bill Porter (Gothenburg, NE), sister-in-law Beth (Mark) Jones (Midwest City, OK). Nieces and nephews include Adam and Megan Porter, Amanda, Peter, and Stacie Jones, Randy and Brian Milleson, and Kacie Kibler. Russ was preceded in death by his mother and stepfather, Polly and S. J. (Bud) Kibler, brother Sid Kibler, mother-in-law Margaret Porter and brothers-in law Bruce and Brian Porter. A graveside memorial service will take place at Fort McPherson National Cemetery south of Maxwell, Nebraska at 11:00 on Friday, February 26th with Pastor Larry Viter officiating. Luncheon will follow at the First Baptist Church in Gothenburg. Suggestions for memorials: St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, Start Over Rover (Hastings, NE), Child Fund International.

February 28, 1934-September 19, 2014

Hard to say good-bye to mom. She is in a way better place, and for that I am thankful.

Our loss is heaven’s gain. Margaret Ann (Norsworthy) Porter, of Gothenburg, Nebraska, passed away on September 19th, 2014 at Hilltop Estates in Gothenburg. She was born on February 28, 1934 in Gothenburg to Ethel and Oliver Norsworthy. She was a proud 1952 graduate of Gothenburg High School. She also loved music and played the clarinet in high school. She was an active member of the marching band and cheered the Swedes on as a Junior High cheerleader. She participated in WMS at the First Baptist Church, Sunshine Homemakers, and the Meals on Wheels program. Margaret was an avid knitter throughout her life, making many beautiful items, but is more well-known for the winter stocking caps she knitted and donated to The Connection in North Platte, Nebraska. She loved her grandchildren and could be found playing board games with them as often as possible. She made sure to remember many people with cards of encouragement, sympathy, congratulations, etc. throughout the years. Margaret had a deep and abiding faith in God and was a longtime member of the First Baptist Church in Gothenburg. She had a kind and gentle soul and was an inspiration to many. Her legacy of kindness and cheerfulness will continue to be an inspiration to those who knew and loved her. Meeting Norman G. Porter was a highlight of her life and they were united in marriage on October 19, 1952. She was a very loving mother to six children. Surviving family members include her devoted husband, Norman of Gothenburg, four children; Brenda (Russ) Huff of Grand Island/Gothenburg, Brad (Mary) of Fremont, Nebraska, Beth (Mark) Jones of Midwest City, Oklahoma; and Bill of Gothenburg; five grandchildren; Adam (Stephanie) of Olathe, Kansas, Megan Porter of Blair, Nebraska, and Amanda, Peter and Stacie Jones of Midwest City, Oklahoma; and one brother, Duane (Alice) Norsworthy of Corpus Cristi, Texas. Margaret was preceded in death by her parents, sister Emma Jane Rehm, infant sister Lavonne Jean Norsworthy, and two sons, Bruce Eugene Porter and Brian Ray Porter. Memorial Services will be held at First Baptist Church on Wednesday, September 24, 2014 at 10:00 am with Pastor Bill Ivey officiating. Inurnment will follow in the Fort McPherson National Cemetery, Maxwell, Nebraska. Memorials may be given to the First Baptist Church, 1002 Ave C, Gothenburg, NE 69138.

New Giant

So far I am happy with the new bike. Love having a Giant again.

Cruzbike SOLD!!!

Yeah, so the 'bent bug that bit me two years ago has worn out its welcome. The Sofrider sold to a nice guy from Lincoln. The Bacchetta Corsa? Still in my garage. Doggone it. I need it gone so I can get back to a Giant road bike.

A Very Different Bent

To celebrate the end of my master's level courses, we went to Kansas once again and brought home a bike. This is a front wheel drive Cruzbike. Very weird, pretty cool. At the moment I am thinking of saying good-bye to both of my 'bents and getting a steel diamond frame. Will decide when I am in the saddle again.

Work in Progress

This is my current project. I paper pieced the three blocks, which was a new technique for me. Love it, will do it again. I am now in the process of machine quilting it. I'm stuck with straight stitching for the moment on my old Kenmore because I lifted the presser foot on my Husqvarna Viking too high and broke the machine! Have to wait until I get back to GI for the repair...crossing fingers it won't be too pricey. Once the straight stitching is done, I hope to add in some free motion quilting. That's what I was trying when I broke my Viking. I need a new open toe foot and lots of practice!

Quilt Top

This is a quilt top that I began when we lived in Sedona, Arizona. It's traveled to Nebraska, Taiwan, and Nevada. I added on to it last year and am now finally ready to bite the bullet and take it to a shop for final quilting. No way am I going to attack that myself with my little home machine.

Zentangle/Zenspirations

Here's a photo of a door hanging I made for mom. I started out with an idea of using tangle patterns all around the border, but once I saw Joanne Fink's Zenspirations, I had to try my hand at that instead. I love the way this turned out and am ready to start my next project.

Bent???

I've thought about a recumbent for a long long time. Last week, after researching lots of different bikes, we went to Kansas so I could test-ride some. Mark, at The Hub, a fabulous shop in Hays, Kansas, put  a 24 inch carbon fork and wheel on a gently used Bacchetta Corsa to better fit my short legs. SOLD! It's a tricky little thing to ride, but I'm getting used to it. I've put on a bunch of miles already and can't wait to get out and get even more. Here are two photos of the new steed.

Still Making Cards