Oh, the waves that rise up and nearly lay me flat still take me by surprise. Didn't get through church yesterday without tears. For some reason it's the contemporary Christian music that stops me up and makes me emotional. That's still ok, except I was actually hoping to get through it. And during the message, I had to keep wiping my tears. Pretty sure Cor noticed because at the end, I got a good hug from her as she wished me a good week. Cor gets it because she lost a son in a tragic accident some years back.
Made the drive to Grand Island yesterday so I could get to a meeting this morning, then get back to work in the classroom this afternoon. Parts of yesterday and last night were spent lamenting my loss of Russ. This morning, parts ok, except when talking to Patty about Russ' scooter, had to leave. Meeting was fine. Lunch was fine. At school, some major major tears. Glad nobody was around. Unpacking one box, I came across the last thing Russ made for me...a stand for my projector that I used last year. Oh, that was so tough.
Left to go pick up Poco, and the whole drive home it was like square one again. It felt like fresh loss and the tears ran freely.
Doing ok now, wave seems to have crested. Man, this grief thing sucks. Big time. And yes, I have faith that I will see Russ again. I have faith that through his faith, he is in a good place...just doesn't make it any easier for me to live without my best friend. The other half of my heart.
Russ...always missing you.
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